Volver Review And Borat Too

CruzI go to the cinema that I believe to be the quietest in the whole city. If I could afford to buy every seat in the cinema and sit alone, I would. I cannot stand to see the skin and bones of my kind dotted around me when I am experiencing art.

Before I enter the building I see a poster for Volver, by Pedro Almodovar, the movie I intend to go and inhale. The poster is primarily a headshot of Penelope Cruz. I stop and look into her dark eyes. As the rain makes a cruel mockery of my thinning hair, I feel a sadness well up in me. A deep, profound, unbearable sadness. I suffer this way because I know that no woman that could ever love me will make me feel the desire and unconditional love that I experience when I look into Penelope Cruz’s incredible eyes- nay, a grotesque, glossy paper imitation of her eyes.

I feel myself well up and I know that if just looking at her poster for five seconds brings on this intense melancholy then watching her heavenly flicker for two hours would leave me suicidal and unable to remove myself from my cinema seat. Another violent ejection by unsympathetic security staff would be the only thing that could stop me from sitting there until my pitiful, lonely death.

I know that to see Volver would be dangerous and reckless and so I instead go to see Borat. There, I weep for the laughing, screaming skin and bone around me who cannot see that, behind the clown with the moustache, they are watching some of the most savage acts of brutality ever commited by man or beast.

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4 Responses to “Volver Review And Borat Too”


  1. 1 Lynne November 5, 2006 at 11:08 am

    Borat is great, you arrogant snob.

  2. 2 david bamford November 5, 2006 at 5:19 pm

    lol i reviewed it also.
    Your blog is great btw.

  3. 4 billymouth November 6, 2006 at 12:09 pm

    David, my heart sinks to hear that you have reviewed something when you know that Billy Mouth is the only opinion that matters.


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